Former Green Beret's Journey Through Addiction, Recovery, and Helping Others

with Ben Monnette

Despite Ben Monnette's highly successful in his military career as a Green Beret, he still struggled with negative self-talk and doubts about himself. In a candid conversation with JT, he shares his path, highlighting the highs and lows of his military career, struggles with mental health, and battles with addiction.

From Division 1 soccer to 16 years in the US Army Special Forces, he has seen his fair share of struggles. For Ben, his recovery was forged through a program at Treehouse Recovery, where physical fitness, therapy, and peer support play pivotal roles in his healing journey.

We learn that recovery culture has not only reshaped Ben's life but empowered him to help others through sharing his story. Tune in to hear why it's critical to understand how addiction and mental struggles can affect even very accomplished people.

• Transcription

  JT 0:01

  Ladies, Gentlemen, welcome back to the podcast shows JT. Today I'm honored to sit down with Ben Moe net. So that right, right.

  Ben Monnette 0:10

  Good. That's going pretty good.

  JT 0:12

  Man. I appreciate you taking the time to do this. First of all, I was introduced to you by Sydney and Nick Lavery. Yes. So, obviously, when when Nick says, Hey, I talked to this guy, he's got it, he's got a pre meeting story, then then I talk to that guy. Like me hear that story? Yeah. You know, I was thinking about this interview today. And really what, what it means around habits, right? Because just to give a brief summary, Ben is a former Greenbrae has been literally the tip of the spear in for the past I'm When did you get when you go in the army? 2000 1008. Were you special forces the entire time?

  Ben Monnette 1:00

  Yeah, so I did X ray program, which enabled me after basic training in airborne to get a chance to attend special forces, assessment selection.

  JT 1:11

  So we talked about habits, and we're gonna get into the, the broad spectrum of habits and their consequences. To get into that program to complete that program. Everyone knows that, that requires some pretty sound habits to get you mental habits that you've formed, leading up to then up to that, and then to get you through that process. And then your time at war, right. And then there's the flip side, you've, you know, I'm always interested, I would say, I'm always interested in talking to people that have lived on both sides of the habit spectrum. So when I say even the phrase, consequent consequence of habit, what, what's the first thing that kind of comes to your mind?

  Ben Monnette 1:54

  Oh, man. So I look at both the positive habits or the healthy habits that I had, just to get me to where in my career where I, where I went, and then also the negative aspects of it, the unhealthy habits that I had. And it was just like, a love hate relationship that I I constantly battled. And, you know, the good, oftentimes overshadowed and the bad things that I was doing, or the unhealthy things I was doing. So I didn't necessarily think or believed myself that. Hey, there's a serious, serious issue going on right

  JT 2:36

  now. Yeah, and I mean, I don't want to spoil but but I feel like it probably needs to be said, now. There's a rock bottom that happens in what year for you?

  Ben Monnette 2:46

  Oh, man, I'd say 2023 Was the rock bottom. There was. There's some times that I thought that I hit rock bottom. But nowhere near, you know, the middle of 2023.

  JT 3:02

  Okay, so I don't want to I don't want to jump right into that. I want to start off one. We're, this is a couple questions. One, where are you from? Where'd you grow up and then was was being a Greenbrae, something that you'd like, Hey, um, you always knew that this is this thing I was gonna do.

  Ben Monnette 3:19

  Yeah, I grew up in Dayton, Ohio. Went to Bowling Green State University in the northern Ohio on a division one soccer scholar, college scholarship, played there for three years, and then transferred back home. And then finally ended up graduating from the University of Dayton with a communication management degree. I knew of being a Greenbrae I knew how important you know being the tip of the spear was how much impact they had stateside and abroad. So as always an option but it didn't really hit home until graduating college, working as an outside sales representative, and just kind of feeling stuck. I've always wanted to do something greater, you know, serve something better than myself, or more important than myself. And it just happened that I, one of the clients that I at time was working with there next to the recruiting station. And I was like, You know what this is? This is an opportunity here. So I walked in, and, you know, they're like, Hey, you have a college degree, you know, there's a, there's a x ray program that you could, you know, try out or see if you can make to become a green bribe, or you can go to Officer Candidate School. So do some research, some some serious reflection, reflecting and then, three weeks later, I was shipped off to basic training shows a really quick turnaround. And I never turned back I mean, I just kept going and going and You know, kept accomplishing certain tasks and schools and I loved every minute of it. But during that time, I was also hurting myself mentally and physically as well.

  JT 5:14

  Yeah, that was, I think, where the My next question was going to be. So clearly you're, you're an athlete, you're playing Division One soccer that which is, there's a lot to be said about that. Not many people show up for you know, at a recruiter, do this X ray program, take the assessment and then are shipped off in three weeks. Like that seems to me maybe I'm wrong, but that seems like a pretty quick turnaround. So clearly, you're in shape. At this point, like you're you're you're training doing this. But at the same time, this is this is always this is where the fascinates me is kind of yin and yang, right? Like so you've got this, these, these positive habits, that you're part of your kind of your upbringing, right? And then at the same time, you've got this this flip side, what was that flip side for you? And how far back do you remember? What you know, looking back on Hey, man that I can that was a that was a red flag.

  Ben Monnette 6:08

  Oh, man. I'd say middle of high school. You know, I started hanging out with the older crowds started drinking to fit in, and then it just kind of became a habit, right? Like I, I was always successful, I was always in shape, you know, constantly traveling for soccer. You know, and then it just, it moved into the military constantly traveling and excelling. And, but there was always that one thing, right. And that was always the drinking to mask. Any way I felt, right? Like, if there was something positive that went on, oh, hey, I was drowning, or something negative that went on, you know, I turned to drinking as well. So it didn't really matter. What was going on in my life, the alcohol was still a major part

  JT 7:00

  of it. It's gonna be confusing, though, at the same time, right? Because you still you're achieving all these things. And, and I think we need to hear more stories about this. Because there's a lot of people you grow up thinking about somebody who might have a drinking problem. You see what's on TV, and like the rails come off fairly quick. But at the same time, yeah, there's a lot of people man that are there, on both sides of the fence, like they're still doing all these things are still achieving these things. The consequences haven't reached that negative side yet. And it's much easier to justify, I guess, is the point that I'm trying to get to.

  Ben Monnette 7:37

  Yeah, I think it's much easier to turn another to turn away from as like, Oh, well. You know, looking back, there were some things that happen to me, throughout, you know, college, you know, you know, some disorderly conduct, you know, through, you know, some relationship issues, some some ways I handled certain situations, where, if I had the knowledge now and reflect, right, I would have been like, Well, yeah, I have a major problem here. And it's the whole thing is like, you know, I wish I knew what I knew now, back then. But it's just, it was just, it was always, like, I always accomplish things, so I didn't really necessarily one is stuck. Yeah, I didn't have that, you know, the catalyst, you know, kind of like the event that was like, wow, you know, my, this is my rock bottom, I need to stop. Because the next day, there's something that positive went on. And that was maybe something I was just fooling myself are the brains, you know, playing tricks on yourself. They're saying, Hey, listen, like yeah, you're you're you have an unhealthy habit. But look, look what you're doing. So why change? Right? Yeah.

  JT 8:50

  Yeah. And I'm sure there's enough people that are looking up to you, right there. Like, there's a lot of people that want to be you, you know, they don't they don't know, the dark side. Like they don't know the things that you were suffering with, with the bad habits, but but at the same time, there's, there's enough people going, Man, I mean, I don't want to put words or thoughts in your brain. I'm just trying to think if I was in your shoes, man. It's, it almost fits the persona, right? Here I am. I'm Dean. I'm a Greenbrae. I'm a fucking you know. Yeah, I party. But I also I work hard I party hard. Everything I do is is kind of to the extreme. Where there were there people around you. I'm gonna say specifically, once you're in the army, that were kind of looking at you like, hey, hey, you might want to you might want to look in the mirror on this.

  Ben Monnette 9:45

  No, no. There was, there was not. I mean, I think we're all alike, where it's, you know, zero to 100% and whatever I was doing, it was 100%. Regardless of you know, the Being healthy or unhealthy. So, as I was working out, you know, staying fit staying, you know, in tune to my, my job in the advancements of my career, I was also, you know, traveling and 100% towards destruction.

  JT 10:19

  How did you get through those times? Because I imagine you mean, like, you go into the queue course, like all of those during all those those periods. And I'm only asking you this, because I've gone through training programs been through, not at your level, right? But I've done things where that dark side of you can't come out, or you can't, you can't partake. But yeah, boy, you are looking forward to that. That moment when, you know, you got the green light to get back to the old ways.

  Ben Monnette 10:47

  Absolutely. And, and maybe that was the the facade of me thinking that I didn't necessarily have a significant problem, right is as I was able to put that down, or internalize that, that darkness in me, and prioritize, you know, a school or a course or deployment. But it was always there. It just maybe wouldn't, you know, wasn't escaped throughout, you know, drinking. But it was probably it was definitely an escape through the negative self talk to the mental gymnastics that I was doing in my head. That constant wearing a mask, right, putting on a mask, everything's fine. And then when I was able to, you know, let loose and, you know, and go drink and do those things. It just continued to get worse and worse and spiral and get deeper and deeper and deeper.

  JT 11:43

  Yeah, it's, it's, and even to hear you say that is is, I don't know if it's surprising is, is right, but But you hear somebody like you talking about a negative self talk. Where from the outside, which means nothing, right? But from the outside, most people go, there's no way this dude's got negative self talk, like you don't get to where you are, unless you're 100% Confident. And I think there's a ton of power in hearing somebody say that, because that's reality, right? Like, there's this imposter syndrome. Some of the most talented people in the world still suffer with some type of negative talk or impostor syndrome or something along those lines. And I think it's hard to fathom, because everyone's used to word they're wrapped up in their own mind, even like, there's no way this person thinks like that. It's clearly impossible.

  Ben Monnette 12:31

  Yeah, absolutely. And it was very, it was always sparked by me being very critical of myself, right. And I, and I, now when I'm, you know, talking with individuals and groups and whatnot, I would say that, that is a good thing like you, you, you care enough to be very critical of yourself. But at the end of the day, you have to accept reality, and you can't, you know, go back and said, Man, I could have done this better, I should have done this. Because that's just going to open up another domain of that negative talk to the Hey, I'm not good enough. And that was something that, you know, stayed with me, you know, the entire career, I was always looking at, you know, what could have done this better. And that's, and that's what makes Greenbrae so great, is because we are, you know, very critical of ourselves, because being critical, enables growth, you know, promotes excellence, but it does open that other door of how do I cope with that? How do I do I have a community to I? Do I talk openly about it? Am I able to Yeah, or do I just internalize it?

  JT 13:46

  Do you think even being a Greenbrae, you know, doing the most that you can do in the army? was not a reflection, but but a result of even some of that negative talk? Or is it because like, you almost prove to yourself, like if I can do this, these things can't be true, right? If I can continue to do this, which is like a, you know, it's a it's a rat race, you'll never win at some point, you know, you're just you're just spinning on a treadmill, because you're never, you're never gonna get that true satisfaction of like, actually liking the person you are if you're constantly trying to prove something even to yourself.

  Ben Monnette 14:26

  Absolutely. And that was one of the things like, whenever I would accomplish or go to a school or go to a training event. It was never like being in the moment and really like, experiencing like, oh, wow, I just accomplished this. It was okay, what's next? Yeah, it was always downplaying what was accomplished, and always look into the future of okay, well, I just did this okay, that's over now. What what now? So I didn't ever I never really gave myself that time to to reflect and give the opportunity for me to be like, Okay, I've really accomplished this. This was a, a significant, you know, hard event or a hard training or school. I should be giving myself grace. I should be, you know, proud of myself for doing that. It was it was just Oh, okay. Nevermind. It was similar to a lot of, you know, I've talked to a lot of friends. And whenever, you know, someone says, you know, thank you for your service. A lot of times, you know, veterans, I don't know how to respond. Right. I don't I don't know what to say. And that was kind of how I was doing. I was handling, you know, different schools and whatnot.

  JT 15:37

  Yeah, I can see that. And how far I mean, how far back you remember feeling that way? You're gonna be like, how far back? Do you remember? Just kind of second guessing, or is that that that negative demon getting in there and telling you you're not? Yeah.

  Ben Monnette 15:57

  I would say, you know, during, during the Q Course, the the training portion of special forces. It was so fast. I didn't have the time to to have that to have that come up. Yeah. It was always just, you know, compartmentalised. It wouldn't say till when I, you know, my first deployment was in 2013. And coming back, that was when I was like, okay, like, how do I reintegrate? How do I, like, now times are slowing down? You know, what do I do? What do I do with my thoughts? What how do I handle this? You know, the transitioning between being deployed, and being always switched on? And then coming home and be like, Okay, well, this is all I know. So I'm going to be, you know, constantly switched on net, it's, it's, you know, hurt my relationships with, with my, my, you know, my relationships with, with women and my, my wife and whatnot, because it was always constantly moving forward and constantly, just like, seeing the present. Slow down a little bit. Yeah.

  JT 17:10

  being stagnant. With a mindset, like that's a dangerous thing, right? Like, I mean, there's tons of people that struggle with silence, right. They, they struggle with, if they're not distracted, I mean, I'm one of them. Like, I constantly have to feel I have to work on not doing something. And I think I've always like I look back, man, I think I was always that way. Like, there always has to be something going on, or because it's never easy just to sit with yourself. And clearly, I mean, as a society that's gotten worse, right? Like, you can't stand in line at a grocery store without being glued to a phone. And I honestly think like, that's maybe not as extreme but but it's a form of it. Right?

  Ben Monnette 17:57

  Yeah. So we're, we're comfortable in our chaos. Yeah. And that's, and that's why now I do yoga, and I try to do some mindfulness. And it's, it's extremely difficult. You know, and you talk to individuals like ourselves, and when we're doing yoga, or any, you know, mindfulness exercises, it's like, how often do you have to catch yourself from going or wondering, and bring yourself back, bring yourself back constantly? Because your brain is just always, always thinking and always just trying to identify and move forward or do something where it's like, just slow down. Yeah. And I struggle with that till this day. It's it's everything, like everything, it takes practice. And, and that's probably one of the harder things that I've started to do is, is have that time where I just sit in silence. Oh, no phone with me. And nothing is just sitting says relax.

  JT 18:58

  Yeah, it is difficult, right? It seems like the simplest thing in the world, but until you try it, I mean, it's the reason they make like, solitary confinement to punishment. I think it's, it's not Yeah, it's not easy. So I mean, so how many times did you end up being deployed?

  Ben Monnette 19:16

  Eight times, I'd say so eight times into the Middle East, from anywhere from being in the you know, the desert with you know, 12 guys to being at the embassy wearing a suit and interacting with, you know, DC individuals and organizations. Yeah.

  JT 19:38

  Alright, so let's, let's, let's get to where things start going awry here. Like what what were some of the first signs like hey, my consequences, excuse me, my habits are having some really negative consequences. And I might, I might want to, I might want to look at this thing.

  Ben Monnette 19:58

  Yeah. You So I would say, say 2000 22,021. I raised my hand, I was like, Hey, I have a problem. Okay.

  JT 20:11

  What got you to that?

  Ben Monnette 20:16

  I was I was set up to go to a specific course. And, you know, I mentioned earlier, it's like, there were certain times in my career that I was, I knew that wouldn't be successful if I was drinking. And that was that time, that was a time. So I was like, I gotta get this under control. I couldn't do it by myself. So I raised my hand to the command. And, you know, it was able to go to a 30 day treatment facility. That was a kind of a almost,

  JT 20:49

  I want to stop you there real quick, because that that must have been an incredibly difficult thing to do. Because one of the things especially, I mean, anyone in uniform, right, but then, you know, take somebody to Greenbrae. Ed, to, to have the courage to admit that in the first place. Well, that's that's, it's kind of big man. I don't know if you've felt it away. But But

  Ben Monnette 21:15

  I, yeah, absolutely. I weighed on, hey, you know, I need help. Was there a chance that I wasn't gonna go to this school? If if I raised my hand? Yeah, there's absolutely chance, was there a chance that I was going to pass that school and be successful if I continue to drink? Absolutely not. Yeah. So I weighed the pros and cons. And I was like, alright, well, you know, I'm not going to be a soldier forever. I'm going to be a son, a father, you know, a brother, you know, for the rest of my life. And I need to get this under control. So yeah, I, I didn't I was welcomed. My command was like, Okay, we're gonna get you the help. And, you know, so the 30 day program that I went to, I was in a hospital setting. I was 30 days. So someone with my, you know, unhealthy habits. 30 days, didn't scratch. However, I was able to stay sober for 18 months afterwards, not by the tools, not by the community, my spirituality. But just by sheer determination, and grit. The same that has gotten me to where I'm at in my career. And I was still, although I was, you know, sober, I was still life, I was still handling life stressors, just not by drinking, I was internalizing that it was getting, you know, wasn't handling certain life stressors, in a healthy way. And I knew I couldn't drink. So what I do, I just, I just felt it was more angry more, you know, it just, I just couldn't release that I couldn't find a way or have that skill set to handle life stressors without drinking, because it was just 30 days. And there you go. You kind of off to the races. Yeah, figure it out yourself.

  JT 23:27

  Yes, it's like it's, it's you just can't scratch, right? Like, you've got no outlet like, and that's, I tell people that like, no matter what you're doing, that is self medicating in whatever form, right? It starts off as being fun, you know, in college, it's fun. Yeah, but at some point, and your brain switches. It goes from, hey, I'm just trying to have fun to I don't want to, I don't want to feel like shit. Or I don't want to feel anxious or down or whatever it is. And there is no clear sign of when that happens. But because it's his gradual thing, and when it does, it takes hold with it's, it's, it's powerful, right? So to know, absolutely, to not have that anymore. It makes somebody you know, if you don't give me any other tools, if you just take it away that that's a miserable person.

  Ben Monnette 24:21

  Yeah, and I was I was miserable. It was you know, I was so successful at the at the course however, you know, looking back on it now it's like, Man, how much more could I have learned if I was able to have a healthier outlet? All right, different habit where, you know, because life's always going to have speed bumps, some big in some some significant. If you have those skills to handle it, then you're able to handle it in a more productive way.

  JT 24:57

  Alright, so you got 18 months, obviously He, something happens. We'll kind of walk us through that.

  Ben Monnette 25:05

  Yeah, so I was down and well, 2021 I had a complete, right hip replacement. So, so I had had the hip surgery, and initially it was fine. But about to middle early 2023 Just start flaring up some issues. That same time, I was able to say, hey, you know, maybe let's try some antidepressants, you know, that might that might help me handle I know, I'm sober now. Not drinking, but I'm still miserable. How am I? How am I still miserable, I took something that I knew was making me miserable, but I still am. So I started taking some antidepressants. And, and that helped for a little bit. But it wasn't, again, it was just a band aid. Yeah. So going through some pain and dealing with some, you know, the antidepressant and not not really working. You know, in early, late or middle to early 2023. I started self medicating with some CBD and delta ate. At nighttime, I was doing that which helped, I stopped taking my antidepressants. Still, against the rules, right, I was not allowed to do that. It was something that I made a poor decision, although beneficial, it was there was other outlets that I could have explored. But I chose it was my choice to do that. And then I had some some marital troubles. And, you know, one thing led to another that I was flown home from an event. And, you know, the command had reasonable doubt to give me a urinalysis test. So after that, that was the rock bottom will so I thought, right, so I thought that was the rock bottom. And so the next seven days, I ended up relapsing. And you know, it's, it's crazy how quickly you can go right back into that addiction. It was It wasn't like I it was like, I didn't drink for a day, right back into it. I was actively trying to kill myself drinking. Yeah, it was, it was it just came back worse with the, the, the hatred for this myself, you know, the, why am I doing this, but that was the, but once I started, I just could not stop. That's and that's the, you know, the power, it's just very powerful the addiction is is a disease and it's, it's something that's I almost can't describe how powerful it is in the brain. How that pathway is just generated. Like that is the only thing that's going to allow you to survive well, so I thought, right?

  JT 28:17

  Well, because when you talk about willpower, right I mean, you'd be you'd be hard pressed to find somebody with a career like yours that has more willpower in certain aspects of their life and I think that speaks to what you're saying like how how powerful this this thing you know had its grip on you because you've gone you've gone through physical hell and you stuck with it but this is this is different right this is you can't you can't scape your own brain. So

  Ben Monnette 28:47

  and the 18 months it was it's you would have thought that that would have allowed me to gain that willpower or to at least build up some strength and resistance towards that and that second and it wasn't like my relapse was that first time I took a drink it was it was driving you know to that to liquor store my brain already went down to relapse right like before you take that first drink you have already relapsed in your brain your brain knows and has control over your actions and thoughts and it's just you are going to make that happen and that was something that is it's very eye opening of how much we grip it has it

  JT 29:31

  once you start right like I mean when you even you tell him that story them and you start to anyone who quit anything specifically around on alcohol and drugs. When you first quit you have dreams about it. But you dream that you really I don't know if you Did I did I or I would remind I drank and I literally wake up in tears. Sometimes I get to turn this stupid thing. I keep getting a little bubble thumbs up

  Ben Monnette 29:57

  every time like you move your thumb or something Yeah,

  JT 30:00

  well, we're gonna, our producer is going to edit that part out. But so I know how to shear off. So that first morning when you woke up after those 18 months, had to be incredibly difficult. And to me, it almost makes sense why you just go back because it's like, you want to get away from that feeling like that feeling must assert.

  Ben Monnette 30:28

  There's a lot of guilt shame, like what the 18 months was gone, right. Like, that was, that was the time that I had. And I was very proud of that course. And then, you know that, how do I how do I handle the guilt and shame of that? Well, guess what? I escaped. I know what's going to make me feel better. Yeah, to escape to put that band aid over it again. And it's just starts that vicious cycle. And

  JT 30:54

  I mean, that's a good point. Because, people it seems so fucking simple. From the outside. It's like, Hey, don't do that. Hey, just, you know, here's a good idea. You don't do that thing. Yeah, okay. No, I was wondering what the trick was. Thanks for the great advice. Yeah, but it to me it speaks to where somebody is in in how much pain they're in. I mean, you just spoke like I was trying to I was trying to trick myself to death. Did you? Did you know it at that point, that's what you're doing? Know, subconsciously, you like the pain was so bad that I'm, I'm a numbness until it's really numb.

  Ben Monnette 31:37

  Yeah. The first drink I had, it was I just knew that I was right back into it. It wasn't, you know, and then I started to lie to myself, like, Oh, now like, I won't go back to the way I was. Well, no, I was right back into it. And it was something that looking back on it and able to reflect, you know, that those seven days was extremely dark. And it says something to be said about each each time that you know, you have some time of sobriety, and then you go back, it gets worse and worse and worse. And it was, it was just a bad time in my life. You know? And then the, you know, the, that comes with the suicide ideations of like, Oh, I'm back into this, what do I do with my life? And you know, and obviously, Alcohol is a depressant. So now I'm depressed, but I can't stop drinking some more depressed. And then you know, those, those si comes in? And it's like, well, well, that's one option, right. And I never really knew how to think about that. And so after those seven days, we're probably on the fifth day, I was able to get some help. I, I reached out to a couple of individuals, and they brought me in front of, you know, our behavioral health counselor. And I'll never forget this. And it's something I can joke about now. But at that time, I probably wasn't very enthusiastic about but I kind of told her, you know, where I was at, you know, mentally. And she was like, Well, don't take this the wrong way. But I have a perfect place for you to go. And I kind of was like, what does that mean? Yeah. And then she then she said Treehouse recovery. Again, I've never heard of it. And it just so happens that two weeks prior to me sitting in front of you know that individual in the office, some some Treehouse, employees came and talked to fit groups. Behavioral Health. So I was blessed that they came and talked, and I was the first person first active duty member to attend and be a client at Treehouse recovery.

  JT 34:11

  Yeah, and I want to get into that, because when you when you told me about that place and their methods, I'm thoroughly impressed. But But before we get to that, what were the ramifications and well how long do they take to come down from from the army? Yeah.

  Ben Monnette 34:31

  So everything was really put on hold while I was in treatment, okay. So that that was, you know, I knew I had, you know, a suspicion of what was going to happen to me while I was in California, however, nothing was really you know, put on paper until I returned in October of last year.

  JT 34:57

  Okay, and then what so what did that look like for it? Yeah, so,

  Ben Monnette 35:01

  you know how I mentioned, like, I thought that was the rock bottom. When I relapsed? Well, I should so now, you know, I come back. And so I, they revoked my special forces tab. So I'm no longer on paper, you know, a Greenbrae I'm getting chaptered out of the military. And, you know, I have to start a new life after 16 years. So I don't know, I won't get my my 20 year pension and all those things, you know, coupled with, you know, going through a divorce, losing my identity, all those things really happened within like a month, timespan. So you think, and that's, that's me. And now I can I mean, I don't laugh about it. But I, but I, I kind of chuckled to myself about what I thought the rock bottom was me coming back and doing that. And that caused me to relapse. And then I go through this with the proper tools, right? That the treehouse provided me and a community. And, you know, the second, you know, those, those things happen, and they're like, Hey, we're going to take your, you know, your tab. No, at first responses, you know, that doesn't discredit what I've done, or what I've accomplished, nor what I will accomplish moving forward. But I reached out, you know, on the way home, I, you know, I called Nick, I called a couple other people and was able to communicate and not internalize my pain and struggles. And then secondly, and I don't know if, if you thought about this, but for the longest time during those 18 months, I, if I had an urge or a thought about drinking, I would instantly feel like a failure. Right? I was like, Oh, I'm right back at it. Now, like, when those when those instance instance happened, like I was like, Yeah, okay. I, my brain is like, Oh, I guess what, I know what can help you, you know, go to the bottle, right? But I understand it's my choice now. It's, it's realizing and identifying that, you know, I created a this pathway in my brain that was so strong through the many years of, of my addiction, that of course, my brain is gonna be like, Well, hey, I know, I know, an easy fix.

  JT 37:46

  You don't forget it. Like you don't, you don't forget it. And, you know, I've, I mean, I've been I've been sober five years, I've talked to people, I've been sober, you know, much, much longer. And people asked me like, Hey, do you you still think about it? I mean, I'd be lying. If I if I mean, I'm so I'm drinking a non alcoholic beer right now. Right? So I have to go by that somewhere. And I pass things right. And I in a line of if I, if I said I didn't stop and just see a label of something right that I was one of my regulars. And think, what would that feel like? You know, after the first one, and I'm not talking with the bad part, like I'm talking about? Yeah, the same reason. They kept me going back like, what? That some miliar feeling. But you're right. It's a choice. I'm like, I've run the experiment, man. I know what the outcome is. Yeah.

  Ben Monnette 38:50

  I played that tape forward.

  JT 38:53

  Yeah. So at that moment, it's it lasts usually about three seconds. And then I go on about my life. And it was it was harder. I don't know about you, but but it was harder in the beginning. And but like, I'd be lying myself, I if I ever said that would just go away. And I've taught you know, I've been in in rooms and meetings with people addicted to things and they're like, they're like, cure, right? Like, even the thought of it makes me want to throw up and I'm like, oh, man, I don't I don't have that cure. at all, I can say no, but but, man, I want whatever you got.

  Ben Monnette 39:31

  Yeah. So so it was just, it was a it was a tough time. However, you know, like you talked about earlier about the habits, right? It's like, okay, well, I now have new habits that I can I can lean on to and not use those unhealthy habits that I use so frequently in the past.

  JT 39:55

  How much of you know I don't want to say felt like a victim. But at the same time, we're like, look, I got deployed eight fucking times, I've given up a huge portion of my life. I've dedicated everything to this. And because I have this thing, you've stripped something that I've worked so hard for. And I'm not saying that we, I think a lot of people would feel that way. And I'm not saying that you have these every time I've spoke to you leading up to this, and we, we've tax back and forth, and we spoke on the phone, you've always shown a, an amazing sense of gratitude to the direction you're going now. But But there had to be a part of that, at first, where that that that flip side had, I mean, maybe I'm wrong, maybe you already had the tools, and we're gonna get into it Treehouse is doing but I don't know, what was your experience with that?

  Ben Monnette 40:57

  Again, I'd be lying if I if I didn't say I did feel like a victim, right? Yeah. Initially, I was like, Oh my gosh, you know, like, I started thinking, Well, I know, this person, or this person did something worse than I did. And all this stuff, try, like, try to escape go, you know, but at the end of the day, it was my decision, it was my decision to do that. And, you know, moving forward if I if I expect, you know, accountability from from others, that I have to be accountable for myself and my actions. And unfortunately, you know, that my actions have caused, you know, these events to happen. And I can't, I can't change that. There are times that, you know, early on that I would, you know, wake up and think and ruminate about, oh, my gosh, I can't have that can happen. And, you know, get angry at it and try to cast blame to other people. But like, it's my choice today to not drink, it was my choice that day to do that. So it's very humbling. And it's difficult to accept that responsibility. Because it had such a dramatic impact on you know, my life it was it was my identity, right. 16 years is a long time to do, you know, one thing. But I use some perception shift in there. And I think, Okay, well, I've accomplished all these things, you know, 16 years, 14 of which was in heavy addiction. Okay, so now this is the next life. I've now what can I accomplish now? Right, like, so I tried to change the perception of how I think about things nowadays. Because if you are if you get stuck in that victim mindset, you know, you're you're just gonna spiral you're gonna, you're mentally you're going to become more weak. And, you know, I'm not gonna say eventually, I would have broken if I would have stayed in that mindset. But it would be leading towards that way. Yeah.

  JT 43:14

  No, 100% would like finding acceptance in that. And then moving forward is. And then I think that that's a great transition into into Treehouse, because they're clearly doing something, right. When people are completely broken down, and everything's taken for them from them, and it's something they've worked so insanely hard for. It takes some really amazing tools to be able to move on from that. And like I said, Wait, you know, every time Yeah, every time we spoke, it's like, a I'm looking forward to this part of my life. I look forward to services to others and helping people. Which is, which is amazing. So let's, let's break that down. I mean, what is that? What is Treehouse mean to you and what was that process like for you when you when you showed up? Kind of a broken man? Yeah,

  Ben Monnette 44:13

  um, well, first and foremost, Treehouse has saved my life. And I can, you know, honestly sit here and say that I you know, I don't know where I would be if I did not attend Treehouse with the with the things that, you know, happened to me, you know, an October till January of this year. So, yeah, so I'm forever grateful for Treehouse, and I have the opportunity to, to now represent treehouse and to, to get the word out of the what resources they provide and how they view addiction because I think AAA is phenomenal. I think it's, it's great, it's worked for millions of individuals. And I, and I participated in it sometimes. And I know a lot of friends and I have a lot of friends that do participate that and that has continued to, to, you know, keep them on the recovery of the journey of recovery. But as our society is changing, as we are evolving into two different individuals than that, you know, the old timers would always say, you know, Recovery has to change, we have to adapt, we have to adapt to our, to our societal needs. And I think Treehouse has done a phenomenal way of doing that. First and foremost, it's, it's ran and owned by a veteran of Vietnam veteran. And they focus on, you know, physical activity healing the brain. They don't necessarily they don't see, you know, addiction as an identifier, right? They, they look at it as it was a band aid. And what's, what's the root cause of you using whatever substance that individuals using? Let's tackle that, let's get to that part. And how they do that is by physic by using physical active physical fitness. So the way I the way I like to explain it is, you know, we have two parts of our brain obviously, the main parts, right, we have the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex. The limbic system was my lifeline, right? It was a fight or flight, you know, being deployed or being in an environment that, that saved my life numerous times, but also ruined my life. Yeah, the decisions that I that I decided to make during stressful times in my life. And then you have the prefrontal cortex, right, is that the reasoning portion of is like, hey, remember, you know, if you do decide to drink after, you know, you lose in your tab, look, what's going to happen, let's play the tape forward. That's this takes some reasoning into this. So it's, it's working out to balance that to build up the prefrontal cortex. So the way we do it is, is Monday through Friday, we worked out and it wasn't just some, you know, small workouts, it was a an hour and a half of physical, you know, grueling exercise. And it was with a group of individuals. So we were constantly pushing each other, constantly trying to compete against one another, and a healthy way. And each time, you know, you would read that workout on the board. Like, wow, like, I don't know if I can do that. Yeah. Right. And then you do that. And then you're able to just sit there and reflect on his while I feel so much better after completing this workout, right? Like, I got, when I drink, guess what, my dopamine spike through the roof. Although it spiked, you know, equally downward, right, so your body tries to get that homeostasis. But for now, when I work out, I get that, you know, gradual rise of that dopamine. So I'm learning and I'm training my brain like, hey, look, there's other ways to, to get that, that feeling. Not always just to go towards the substance. It's

  JT 48:37

  easy. I mean, literally, I just had a conversation with a retired Navy chief yesterday, who said the same thing, it's like somebody who's addicted to cocaine. He's like, Oh, I spent hours in an ice bath and a sauna today going back and forth, to get my dopamine levels elevated. Where some guy is going to take one sniff of cocaine, and it's kind of like, you know, yeah, but one ends terribly. We know, we know we know how one ends and the other one is just time consuming. So what do you think you've never made that connection? Because clearly you were doing some hard ass workouts. You know, prior to that, yeah. And I asked myself this too, like, why did why didn't we make those connections between physical activity to calm the brain and to raise the dopamine because everything for me that's what I was. I was actually probably in better shape. I was drinking. But it was just like when you were done, you feel your brain slows down, right? You didn't feel calm?

  Ben Monnette 49:47

  Right. I don't think I was equipped with the knowledge. Yeah, right. Like that's, that's one thing that trio says very well is not only do we go through these exercises but We learned the reasons why we're doing that, right? And then that that was like the light bulb in my head is like, man. Okay, so now I'm experiencing this, this feeling that I probably always experienced, get done working out. But now I know why. And that why poor part is so critical to to anything that we do. So that that was pretty enlightening. The the way we lived at Treehouse was something that, you know, having a reference of the 30 day treatment facility I went to previously, we would live about a mile away from the facility. So we would ride our bikes to and from our, we call it a team house. Right? So being in the military, I knew full well that you know, living on top of guys, and in a team house was something that was that was normal to me. But driving past the liquor stores to go to treatment, you know, having those, those weekends off that I could go down to the beach, go to the movies, go on a bike ride passing, you know, bars and whatnot, eliminated the cultural shock that I that I felt when I got out of that 30 day treatment facility that was in one section of a hospital. Right, yeah, that's something that was significant is like, we always had to have battle, you know, battle buddies and teammates with us. But being in society and being able to do things on the evenings, all while being in treatment was something that was extremely beneficial to me, I was able to feel those uncomfortable feelings while still in treatment, and not when I'm off to my I'm off by myself for the first time in three months. Yeah. So that was something that was amazing that Treehouse knows that.

  JT 52:06

  It make sense though. Yeah. You can talk about things all you want but there's there's the experience the experience of you said I've got this this needles worn he's worn the same place in this record for a long time. Like I need to have the skills to you know when that when that needle wants to fall back into that that groove of having gone through that right let's do this, we'll say a stress inoculation of going through it and then trying to work work out those those feelings accepting me I sure would like to do this. But you know, the juice isn't worth the squeeze. I'm gonna I got my battle buddy here and yeah, what what else? Were they unit treehouse. Other than then, I mean, everyone, everyone coming out at Treehouse, it's like selection, they come out and just amazing shape. But But what are some of the other aspects of a three ounce?

  Ben Monnette 53:01

  Yes. So I'd say I came out probably in the best physical and mental shape of my life, physical aspect was was obviously there through the working out and whatnot, but the mental strength that I came out with, so each week i to one on one therapy sessions, so, you know, typical treatment facility had maybe have one a week, you know, you're you're starting with, you know, an individual that may not may or may not have that, you know, the understanding of addiction or the credibility of going through it themselves. Right. And I think that's a big key factors as most if not all individuals from triage recovery, the employees or past clients. So they they know the pain, they know the what the client is feeling at that time. And the same go with the the counselors. So I worked through a lot of, of my PTS with, with my counselors. So that was, you know, the one on one session a week. And then additionally, we had this. It's called the naked writing program, and I and Vietnam vet created it. And it's, you know, you'd have assignments to do you know, one of the ones that kind of stood out to me is I had to write a letter to you no alcohol, saying, Hey, listen, this is how I feel towards you. This is what, you know, you, you know, this is the love hate relationship that I had with you for so long. So we'd write it down. And as our brains going, you know, 100 miles a minute. When we put pen to paper, we tend to slow our brain down and able to articulate a little bit more in depth of our feelings. And then we would read it to our counselor And then we would go through it and how we felt during, during the writing and how we felt after. So those two sessions a week, significantly helped me to process, you know, not only the trauma that I experienced in the military, the mental trauma that I've experienced throughout my life, and to prepare myself for what was to come, you know, I knew that there was going to be some administrative actions come down on what has happened. So I was able to process that, and, and better prepare myself for what's to come. And they, and they helped. And, and it was really, it wasn't as strict as I, as I used to is like, Well, what do you what do you want to work on? Do you want to work on, you know, you know, your trauma in the military, or do you want to work on, you know, your trauma that you experienced, you know, mentally into relationships. And it was, it was a lot of a little bit of both, to be honest with you. And so that's knowing the treatment environment, now, having two sessions a week is, was something that you know, is unheard of. So that helped me mentally significantly. And then lastly, we would always do from four to 5pm, we would do a peer group. So it'd be a peer led group of have anything from, you know, issues that you're having at home, with a family with significant others, or issues that you're having with individuals at the house. And that would really help, you know, being able to identify and verbalize some uncomfortable topics, and have, you know, those difficult conversations with another individual, that we often we always need to communicate to one another. But I was I never had practice doing that. So having that practice doing that in a in a safe environment helped me become more willing to, to vocalize, you know, what was going on and mentally?

  JT 57:28

  How do you move in and maybe too early? And just tell me to shut up? If it is, but how do you feel about the experience? Now? Again, I don't want to put words or thoughts in your mind, a lot of people when something like this happens, it seems like the worst thing that could possibly happen to you. But now, the stoic philosophy man or the quote, what stands in the way becomes a way right this is a lot of times it's these crossroads in life. That it very hard to see it in the moment but become our mission, right? And our purpose. What is your initial thoughts now? Like when you think about the entire experience? How much will weighs on us as a negative compared to a positive right now?

  Ben Monnette 58:26

  I'm grateful that it happened. And I say that, and you may think like, Well, how am I grateful that, you know, you know, all these bad things have happened? Well, it kind of brought me to the stage where I know there's a significant amount of individuals that are struggling just the way you know, I'm struggling, or I struggled. And now it's, I have an opportunity. And I look at it, as you know, I'm able to face adversity, and then grow from it. So what has worked for me, and if I'm able to communicate that to others, then that may help someone else. They may take just a small portion of it, or they may take a large portion. But if someone can walk away from you know, talking to me and hearing my story with like, Okay, wow, he used this, I didn't think about it that way. That that gives me you know, that gives me the motivation now that I have right now to to continue to move in this direction, this trajectory that I am on now. Although I don't want to forget the pain and suffering. Because if I do, you know, I may lose that motivation that I have now. And I hope I never do, because that's going to keep me on the right path that's going to keep me can you continue to help individuals and At the end of the day, that's going to keep me you know, sober and healthy.

  JT 1:00:04

  Yeah, the ramifications of going through what you've gone through doing the work. And there is something about about your, your, your history, your background. Like I said, it's holding these two things. And I wanted to start with that question of, of what comes to mind when I say consequences, a habit, because you've, you've clearly done amazing things in the army, but but at the same time, I mean, where do you think you'd be if that just train wreck didn't happen? Like, What? What? How would that, you know, when you think about how that played out, I think

  Ben Monnette 1:00:50

  I would have still been sober, just miserable, just miserable, I think. Yeah, I was sober, I would be sober, but I would play the victim I would be, you know, all these bad things are happening to me, I don't know, you know how to handle life stressors in a healthy way. I'm just going to internalize it. And you can only internalize it for so long, until one thing breaks. Right? Yeah. And it may be your sobriety. It may be, you know, anger, it may be poor decisions, you know, on a multitude multitude of different levels. But I know that if I did not go through that, I would not be sitting, you know, where I'm at today.

  JT 1:01:38

  comfortable in your skin. Yes.

  Ben Monnette 1:01:40

  And willing to be vulnerable, right is to, to accept what I've done, but also to learn from my mistakes and, and to identify the Hey, man, like, I know, I have something that, you know, I can potentially help. And if I can help just one person, and that's what we do here in Nashville at the treehouse in IOP program is, you know, we, we have a good amount of veterans, but we also have a good amount of, you know, civilians and, you know, providing my experiences to them, and seeing these individuals grow from day one to come in into the, to the IOP. Until now, you know, month by month, that's the, that's the drive I have now, that's the motivation that continues to, to keep me sober, and to continue to help individuals.

  JT 1:02:36

  Ben, you said, you know, I may be able to help other people, I think you can take the meat out of it. I know people listening to this. And I'm gonna guess that people have already told you that, that what you've done is already had an impact on your life. And we don't know each other very well. But I'm just from your history, I'm going to guess that the same drive and motivation that allowed you or enabled you to be a green brain and get to the spots in the army. The positions you're in is, you put that towards what you're doing now. And your your, your impact is going to be profound. And I'm excited to see where it goes, man. I mean,

  Ben Monnette 1:03:25

  I really appreciate that JT. Yeah, it's definitely a you know, it's something that's a passion of mine now, and just like, just to tailor the same motivation I had, but just to a new thing, right, that I spoke earlier about perception shifting, it's, as you know, you can I could sit there and feel bad about myself and, you know, continue to just live my life or I could take the same motivation that allowed enabled me to become, you know, 1% of the population to, to now to, to help individuals. So it's just the change and adapting to a new lifestyle, a new chapter in my life. And I'm forever grateful for this opportunity.

  JT 1:04:14

  Love it, man. Well, listen, if if people want to follow along, I'm gonna let the cat out of the bag. Ben and I have been speaking about him joining one of our speaking events with Nick later in the year after this conversation, I'm almost say that that's going to happen. But if people want to follow they want to they want to hear more from me that I mean, are you active? how active are you in social media? You know, where if you want to get touch with how they do it? Yeah.

  Ben Monnette 1:04:43

  So yeah, so I'm on just got back on Instagram. So I I wasn't on Instagram for a long time just to the nature of the job. But so now I'm on so it's been underscore Mo and Oh 7778 Okay, so you can follow me on there. I'm on LinkedIn with Ben manette. And then you know ben.am At Treehouse dot treehouse recovery.com is an email. And again, you can Google Treehouse recovery. We got locations in Costa Mesa, California, Portland, Oregon, Wilmington, North Carolina, and then Nashville, Tennessee. And we have admissions line. Again, we're here to help. I've gotten no, I've seen employees drop their hat, buy a plane ticket and fly to an individual in need of help, just to ensure that they get to treat us safely. And that's that right? There's just the mentality of of triage as a whole. Wow.

  JT 1:05:54

  Well, I appreciate you taking the time, man. Is there anything else you want to make sure we cover on here?

  Ben Monnette 1:05:58

  No, I think that was that's it, JT, I really, again, I really appreciate it. I follow, I saw the ice bath. How he challenged that was, that seems pretty cool. I don't do it as much, I did it quite a bit, I'd say three or four times a week in California. And that's something that is amazing. It's it's painful at the time, initially, but just the way you feel afterwards is I mean, you can't you can't describe

  JT 1:06:31

  it. There. It's to me, it's a it's a metaphor for like, so many things in life, you know, I mean, like, it's like accepting, this is going to sting for a short period of time, but there's something on the other side of it, right? Like, there's something bigger on the other side of it. And to me that I think, and that sums up about everything that's good for us. And that actually gives us purpose and makes us feel good about ourselves as accepting the uncomfortableness and still moving forward with it. So

  Ben Monnette 1:07:00

  what I try to do is I try now is when I get an ice bath, I try to solve a complex problem. Or we learn different languages. So I go recite my bio and my, my target language. And what I'm doing is I'm trying to train my brain to in a chaotic moment. Yes, like, my body's has chaos, my brain saying, Oh, get out of this cold cold has tub, but I'm able to calm it and and problem solve. And it just has those analogies in life when when life is chaotic, and you're able to, you know, utilize that prefrontal cortex, right. And that reasoning behind it. Just I'm trying to find different ways to strengthen that prefrontal cortex.

  JT 1:07:46

  Yeah, that's, that's hard, man. That whole fight or flight kicks in and that and and to be able to think, I mean, the veterans listening to this are first responders. I mean, you hear the word vapor lock, it's it's the real thing, man, people. eyes get real big, and they don't even know where they go. They go somewhere. So if you if you can, if you can start solving stuff. I mean, it's been as simple as like, Hey, tell me your name. Yeah, just to get people out of that kind of. So I get that man. Well, thanks again, Ben for taking the time. And thanks mostly for for being vulnerable man. Like, like you said, it's in that vulnerability. This thing that we don't want to admit is, is where is where the help actually comes from? Because then people, you know, they hear it, and then even if they don't get it at first, you know, people in California or not you believe me, not you. But but but to be like, you know, like I've said something like, you're still not drinking. The same people come up to you. Like, how'd you do it? How'd you do it? So it's everyone we're ability that lowers those barriers. So cool, man. Well, thanks again. And I look forward to some future conversations and then meet you in person.

  Ben Monnette 1:08:58

  Yeah, absolutely. JJ. Thank you. All right.